dim light bulb

This is another one of those moments when I realize that if I’d realized that I wasn’t fat back when I thought I was fat I probably wouldn’t be fat now… I mean really! 

Look at this picture… 

Why am I trying to hold in my stomach?

Morning Schmorning

What happens when all 3 of your alarms fail…. This life is an ongoing battle for sure.

GNC Total Lean Lean Shake - Swiss Chocolate

GNC Total Lean Lean Shake has been my breakfast for the last week. It actually doesn’t taste bad. Reviewers say it keeps them feeling full. It does contain oat bran that is supposed to help with that. Well, I can’t say that but since I’m always hungry who am I to comment on that?  I use vanilla soy milk instead of water just to add a little extra flavor. I also add ice cubes. This morning I was in a hurry and didn’t blend long enough. Having little hunks of unblended power in my mouth was gross. Last week I was trying to have it for breakfast and lunch and it really upset my stomach. I think it was just too much. This week I’m only doing breakfast and I haven’t had any problems. Regular price is $32.99 but it is on sale for $24.99.

monday monday

Today was a long day. I didn’t really feel like being in the house so I decided to go to the field. After driving 151 miles I realized maybe my idea was a bit ambitious.  I like driving. It relaxes me, gives me time to think and lets me see L.A. from the ocean to the desert. It is one of the things I like about my job. What I don’t like is the traffic.  It shouldn’t take 1.5 hours to go 30 miles but it does.  Usually these days are filled with me, sitting in my car eating non-stop and trying to stay awake. Today I made an effort not to do that.  

Before I left I made a protein shake and that got me through about 12:30p.  So I went to my favorite spot, Chipotle. Had my usual chicken burrito bowl – 570 calories.  That carried me until about 2:30p when my energy was starting to fade. By this point I’d driven from Reseda to Orange County. Get me to a Coffee Bean! (side note – have you tried the ice blended extreme? its all espresso, no milk, yes, I worship at the caffeine alter)  I found one, but decided that I didn’t really want a big coffee, I ended up going to the McDonald’s across the street and got a vanilla cone – 170 calories. A much better choice.   For dinner I made 2 chicken tacos w/ground chicken, jack cheese, pico de gallo and home made guacamole – estimate 500 calories.  

All in all it wasn’t a bad day. Oh yeah, and I started the day off with yoga – thank you Rodney Yee!  My plan was to hit the treadmill when I got home but it was almost 6:30, I ate dinner and now I’m talking to you. So since I’m trying to be in bed by 9p I think I’ll just do some abs after my food settles.  Hopefully if i get to bed early enough I’ll be able to get up in the morning and get in about 30 minutes before work.

Oh and did I mention that I didn’t go to sleep until around 3:30am and I got up at 6am.  There really aren’t enough hours in the day.  Tomorrow I go to the office…. that’s the challenge. Stay tuned!

my inner eddie rich

Last year I decided to boycott Thanksgiving.  I mean really, what’s the point. It’s not like that dinner turned out too well for the Native Americans. Bah Humbug, who needs it!  My brother Casey and sister-in-law Cristina decided to hop aboard my crazy train and we spent the holiday weekend in Las Vegas with my cousin Teresa and her then boyfriend (now husband) Eddie. Within 2 hours of arriving, Eddie had us believing in tomato soup (homemade, not Campbell’s) and grilled cheese sandwiches. Okay, I’ll give you one meal but for dinner I’m having a burger!

The next morning, after staying out until 4am with my sister-in-law I was in desperate need of coffee. Off to the kitchen I go. Ummm, okay so how do I put this delicately? You remember that scene in the Julia Roberts movie Sleeping with the Enemy, when she opens the cabinet and all the cans are facing forward and in alphabetical order? Well, that’s basically what I found – the most perfect kitchen cabinets I’ve ever seen and EVERYTHING was ORGANIC! So I find the ORGANIC coffee beans, that I have to grind myself and the ORGANIC non-dairy vanilla creamer. I also have the ORGANIC honey whole wheat toast with the freshly ground, by Eddie himself, peanut butter.  After calling Cristina down, because I need a witness, Eddie explains to us how he shops primarily at Whole Foods and buys almost everything organic.  Cristina and I vowed from that moment on that we too would be healthy, organic Whole Food shoppers!  She has since taken a leave from fast food and I have made a very successful effort to buy cage free eggs and chicken and spend every Sunday in Whole Foods and Sprouts stocking up on veggies for my weekly (delusional) meals.

I like the produce at Sprouts, its cheaper and the store is slightly less pretentious than Whole Foods. However, Whole Foods has the raw juice bar and that bomb ass peanut butter.  Needless to say, 50% of my vegetables spoil in the refrigerator and never get eaten. Because as I’ve said before, my whole eating plan falls completely apart by Tuesday.  However, I am not giving up the fight.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that instead of wasting time going to Canyon Ranch or the Big Fat Loser Camp, I should just go spend a week with Eddie and let him put me through some organic/detox/nutritional boot camp.  Until then I’ll just keep up my weekly shopping trips and make more of an effort to eat the food that I buy.  I might be cash poor, but when I grow up I wanna be Eddie Rich!

Now on Google Currents!

something to say can now be found on Google Currents. Please take a minute and subscribe to the blog. Thanks!

hind sight is 20/20

I found this picture of me with my mother while gathering photos for the family reunion.  I remember this day well, it was Easter, I think 1990 or 1991.  This was shortly after we joined and then quit Jenny Craig.  I weighed around 155lbs…. I thought I was fat and was trying to lose about 30lbs. The first thing that caught my eye was my arm. How thin and perfect it looks.  I think my wrist is bigger than that now.

The 20 year old thought she was overweight. The 40 year old thinks she was perfect and wishes she’d known then what she knows now.

I Lost Weight: The Most Inspirational Weight Loss Success Stories Of The Summer (So Far)

I hate it when people say “If I could do it, anyone can.” Basically because, it’s not true. Who decided that YOU are the barometer of what is and isn’t possible? If anyone could do it, then no one would be fat!  However, I do respect people who have done it and who are willing to share their stories with the rest of us who are still caught up in the struggle. 

I Lost Weight: The Most Inspirational Weight Loss Success Stories Of The Summer (So Far)

blog....what blog?

I got an email the other day “time to renew your domain name.”  Oh sh!t, my blog! 10/02/2011 was my last blog entry. What have I been doing for the last 10 months? The answer, everything and nothing.

Steak Nachos in Cabo… and?

Let the excuses begin…. In February I went on a 5-day cruise to Cabo. I mean, come on, a cruise! All you can eat 24 hours a day! Booze and Mexican food. You can’t possibly fault me for not losing a pound in February. While on the cruise I went to a seminar about detoxifying your body from all the harmful crap that’s in the air, the water, the food.  This nice looking guy hooked me up to some machine and told me that my body was like, 50% toxic…no way! What do I need to do? How do I fix it??? Oh, spend $300 on some algae powder and an eating and exercise plan? I’m all in, ready to make that change, here’s my AMEX!  Okay, that’s all good but I’m preparing for a 2 week trip to Europe in April, so there’s really no point in me starting some 90 day detox plan when I’m leaving the country for 14 days. So let’s put that on hold until I come back.

Good morning London!

In April I went to Europe – 5 days in Cambridge, 5 days in London and 3 days in Paris.  O-M-G. Can you imagine how cool it would be to run along the Thames….through the streets of Paris? Yes, I’m dedicating space in my already packed suitcase to 5 days worth of exercise gear and my running shoes! Okay, so here’s the thing…. our schedule was brutal… I mean this wasn’t a fun trip. It was an international business class. We had lectures, tours, corporate visits…. with the jet lag and all you can’t possibly expect me to work out! Well here’s the good news. There was a lot of walking on this trip. So no, I didn’t hit the gym but we actually walked over 71 miles during the 14 day trip. I walked the 700 steps of the Eiffel Tower, walked all the way through Hyde Park. toured Notre Dame… Believe it or not, I came back home 5lbs lighter than when I left. Score! I’m on a mission! I’m a pedestrian! I walk now!  This is going to be a piece of cake!

Back May 12…. started a new job May 14…. graduation May 26…. final paper/project due June 21.  You see where this is heading.

Looking good graduate!

In June I graduated from the University of Redlands with a Master’s Degree in Business Administration. A major accomplishment. But more importantly it gave me the quintessential excuse to gain a good 20lbs…. I mean, come on, how could I be expected to exercise and eat right while spending 4 hours a week in class and another 12 hours a week reading and writing papers for 2 years straight?  I feel fully justified in gaining back every single pound that I’ve lost over the last 5 years…. I have an MBA dammit!

Maria Mia – San Antonio, Texas

Okay, finally! I can concentrate on me! Oh, wait. Huh, family reunion in San Antonio in July. Okay.  By this point I know, there’s no way. Not even going to pretend. Not taking any gym clothes or running shoes. Come on, who are you kidding!  There is no better eating than in San Antonio – Mexican food and BBQ!  Don’t even bother!

So here we are, August 19. Exactly 60 days until my 41st birthday and where am I? Exactly the same place I was last year and the year before that and the year before that…. Actually, that’s not true, I’m worse off that I was before. This weight loss is some impossible shit! Yes, I know, it’s not impossible. But it sure feels that way. How can you want something so badly and be so completely incapable of achieving it?  How can you know exactly what you need to do, exactly how to do it and be absolutely powerless? How is the disgust that you feel when you look in the mirror not motivation enough?  How can that feeling when you go shopping and can’t fit a thing in the store not propel you to do something?  How many mornings can you go through 10 outfits just trying to find something that makes you look less fat?  Honestly, I have no idea.  But I know that once I find the answer I’ll be a fucking millionaire because I’m going to package that shit and put it on the market!